The trouble with not blogging regularly is that by the time six months have passed there’s SO much to say it’s hard to know where to start.
It’s been a seemingly endless summer (until about a week ago, at least), of which I will spare you a blow-by-blow account. Not that my brain would remember everything anyway. With hindsight, I think I’ve been more depressed than I first realised, but I’m happy to say the fug has lifted now.
There have been a lot of tears these past few months and more occasions than I care to remember in which I’ve found myself wandering the streets, fighting back the tears and wondering how I’m going to get through the day, let alone the years of difficulty facing Ted. But that’s the first lesson: don’t think of the future. Easy when you’re in a good place, virtually impossible when you’re living on a knife edge.
Even the sun couldn’t make me feel better. in fact, I think it made things worse! It was such a contrast to my black mood and my far-from-sunny disposition. For the longest time, I just felt so robbed of what summer should have been. Ted should be able to sit up and play in a paddling pool, went round in an endless loop in my mind as I cursed the injustice of the life we have both been given. It seems a trivial thing but it really hurt. I hated myself for focusing on what Ted couldn’t do and I hated that. I just felt so desperately SAD.
But that was then. My saviours have come in the form of my in-laws (we spend two days a week at their place now), driving lessons (new skills are very good for making you feel like a useful human being) and homeopathy (controversial).
I will go into more detail on those another time, I just wanted to check in and say hi. We’re still alive! We’re doing well. We love you all, my real and virtual friends, and without your support I don’t know where we’d be.
I have lots to share so hopefully this is the start of a new blogging phase with regular posts. Like a real blog has! Or it might be another 6 month sabbatical. Watch this space…
(The pic is Ted having cranial osteopathy last weekend – we’re down to once a month now.)